My teacher recently asked me, as I was obsessing over something: 'Who is running your life?" which was a bit humbling to look into. "Ahum, me, perhaps?" Depending on which me we are talking about, of course.

Despite all my years of inner work, I still have a tendency to drift outwards, if I'm meeting someone who I either like or dislike. If I like them, their wise voices might actually lead me to value their input over mine (which sometimes is great, of course, but not when it turns into a pattern of leaving myself). If I don't like them, I might become defiant to prove them wrong, or just spend a lot of energy of irrelevant resistance. And they end up living rent-free in my head anyhow. And then there are all the cases in-between.

When I was younger, I had less of this, but then I also was a bit of a steamroller, mostly acting out of a need to prove myself. Today, I can be acting from a place of infinity, with Divine Eros, or as Divine Eros, or even that which animates Divine Eros. And I'm crystal clear and that is who is running my life. But I can also be the young girl who is still navigating how to relate to to her family in a way that is constructive, who still wants to be accepted. Or the awkward one who is hesitant to show up marketing-wise, because she's been canceled a few times. 

We all have stuff. Life is always getting in our way. Since we usually have a plan. The only way through is through, while remembering that you are in fact running your life. We fall down, we forget, and we get caught. And we get up again, remembering once more who is running our lives. We do. Starting with this breath. And this quirky dance-move. And this silly smile. Or giant roar. You. Most gloriously YOU, are running your life!