I'm at a retreat in the Netherlands with the Diamond Approach, one of my spiritual paths since 13 years. It's evening, and I'm back at my room, lying in bed, looking up through the trees to Monastery Clock Tower, now converted to a conference hotel. We are exploring Unity, in all its different facets. Landing after the first few days, I'm now initiating my first day of holy self pleasure-practice, which includes writing a blog post here.

In a vulnerable inquiry today, I came to see my attunement to other people (which often is a projection as well). I came to see how angry I get when I feel someone is wanting something from me, but isn't clear about it. Or if I feel an implicit need to take care of a person's needs, when in actuality I want them to sod off, which then creates a frustration cycle of self-silencing. After I named this out loud to the two male witnesses, I could see my own lack of grounding and stability in that particular moment, without judgment. And now, in bed, after having danced, and practiced self-pleasure, the world has turned light and playful again. The need to attune to others is gone. I'm at home in my body again, and I feel the 'isness' of this moment filling me up, and I feel such grateful fullness. This is the reason why I do this work. Maybe it's not for every woman, but for every woman who wants to land in her own body, and find the holiness of her sensual self, this is why I do what I do. Because it offers us the moon and back.